She fell asleep a little while ago, I guess I didn’t notice. Or maybe I did and I just didn’t want to leave yet. It doesn’t matter, it’s time to leave now.
I stood up and watched her sleep for another few moments before leaving. She is absolutely beautiful to me, no matter what she says about her wrinkled skin. I guess she doesn’t get up to look in the mirror too often anymore. I decided to take a quick peek before I left her room.
Staring back at me was the same face I’d seen for my entire life. I could see my resemblance to her, she must have been quite the stunner back when she first volunteered. I wish hers was the only face that came to mind when I look into a mirror.
I offered a soft “goodnight” before quietly exiting the room. I know she can’t hear me when she is asleep but maybe she can sense it. The world outside the Care Facility is so much brighter than inside. I guess the darkened rooms help to blur time but I don’t think it’s good for her to be in such a place. I wish she would let me find her someplace else to live, she always tells me to focus on myself instead.
I squinted as I walked along the sidewalk. I wasn’t exactly late to report back but I also wouldn’t say I was “On Time.” I like to live by my own rules of time; if the Care Facility can warp time, then so can I. Unfortunately, we live in a world with schedules and deadlines and people like to get upset for silly reasons.
I walked until I arrived at the plaza and then headed toward the Input Station. Around me were people with the same face that I’d seen earlier in the mirror. All of the other Copies were returning from their day’s adventuring or researching or whatever it is they were trying to do.
I walked past a group of Copies gossiping and laughing up a storm. Some of them love to chit chat and I am not one of them. I found my way to the line in front of the Input Station. Only three Copies ahead of me, this shouldn’t take too long. I stand quietly ignoring the raucous laughter from the group standing way too close to the Input Station. Why do you have to stand there?! Do you know everyone can hear you?! It’s okay, just let it go.
My turn has come and I opened the door. One step inside is basically all you can do since the Input Station is the size of a phone booth. The door closed behind me and I heard those three beeps that I’ve come to hate so much.
Beep! I feel the probe make contact with my Memory Port.
Beep! All of the memories and thoughts from today flash before my eyes.
Beep! Everything comes rushing in. I don’t have words to describe how it feels to have more than a hundred people’s memories uploaded into your brain. I have even fewer words to describe how it feels to do it on a daily basis.
Sync Complete. The probe disconnects and the exit door opens for me to leave. My one job is done for the day, I guess I’ll go find a spot to recharge and wait for tomorrow.
I usually spend the mornings in the park. Not particularly because I want to but because I don’t know what else to do. The people who come to the park in the morning are nice enough and there is a field of flowers over the hill that most people don’t even know about.
I like to pick out a few flowers for Mel before I go visit her in the afternoons. The caretakers tell me that mornings are hard for her, that’s why I have to wait until the afternoon to see her.
I remember she used to sing to the flowers, she would always tell me to sing with her.
“Come on, Doc, I can’t carry a harmony by myself!”
I don’t know why she called me Doc, I guess she liked short names; she went by Mel instead of Melody. Whenever I ask her about my nickname she would just shrug and smile. I always loved seeing her smile.
Bringing her flowers was the only way I knew how to bring that smile out anymore. With her memory fading, she was embarrassed about talking so we mostly just sat together. It is enough for me, but I don’t know if it is enough for her.
The morning passed like it always does and I grabbed a few flowers before I started my walk to the Care Facility. Today I brought her a bouquet of purple, red and yellow flowers. She beamed when I walked in.
“Doc! Those are beautiful!”
The caretakers no longer get confused when she calls me Doc, though they were not too happy about it when she first moved in. Mel always thought their confusion was hilarious. Maybe that’s why I got the nickname, so she could play a joke on some caretakers years into the future. She always loved committing to silly stuff like that. I could still see that youthful energy even if she didn’t want to talk very much.
I sat down in my chair and smiled at her. Mel was preoccupied smelling her flowers. It amazes me how much she can cherish those flowers. I was just standing in a field of them and I didn’t feel nearly as strongly as she does for these few that I brought her.
After a few minutes of close examination and sniffing, Mel placed the flowers into an empty vase on her bedside table. One of the caretakers must have emptied the old ones out.
She turned to me and gave me a look of gratitude. Most of our communication was through looks and she had gotten good at being very specific with her looks. She could see right through me and we both knew it. Her gratitude faded into concern.
“Why are you upset?” she asked.
“Do I look upset?” I responded.
She gave me a look that told me she wasn’t going to play any games. It’s an all too familiar look at this point.
“I just feel like I’m not doing what I am supposed to be doing,” I started but then paused for a moment. Mel is the best listener I have ever met so I know I can take my time. I continued, “Of course, I’m doing what I am meant to do, like I’m fulfilling my purpose, but…”
I resisted the temptation to use air quotes when saying “fulfilling my purpose.” I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard that phrase.
Mel looked at me lovingly, I knew I was safe to say anything to her. I sighed and took a deep breath in.
“I want to be an individual but I’m afraid of what that means.”
I had never said it out loud. I was so afraid to leave the group that I buried it down. Clearly it wasn’t buried very well since Mel spotted it so quickly. She looked over to her flowers and was still for a while. I waited patiently for her response. She slowly turned back to look at me, her blue eyes felt piercing, yet loving.
“Your life is your life,” she spoke softly, “and any consequences are also yours.”
She gave me a look that told me she didn’t want to talk anymore. I sat by her side for a few hours until she fell asleep. I stood up to walk back to the Input Station.
Beep!
Beep!
Beep!
Sync Complete.
The door opened and I exited the small building. I walked across the open plaza to the charging pads where I saw a group of Copies talking quietly. At least they’re not yelling like that other group yesterday! I sat down on the charging pad and leaned against the wall before entering Sleep Mode.
Sitting on a bench at the park, I try not to get lost in the memories of another Copy who has been researching whales. They never quite told us how to not get overwhelmed after we get an upload. I guess they could never understand what it was like. I was also processing what Mel said yesterday.
I hate getting uploads. I am sure that I would be happier if I never got another one. But then what do I do? I’m not “fulfilling my purpose” if I don’t report back to the Input Station. I don’t even know what happens to a Copy who doesn’t report back. It’s not like anybody has ever decided not to go back before.
Swept away in my thoughts, I almost didn’t hear the young woman saying Hello. I shook my head to regain my senses and turned to see a woman with her young son. The woman was nervously smiling at me and seemed instantly relieved when I echoed her greeting.
“I’m sorry to bother you but I just wanted to come and say Hello. I used to play in this park when I was a kid and I remember you and your friend used to sing over on that hill. Wow, you look exactly the same!”
The young boy was holding a pink flower and staring at his mother as she spoke. When she finished, he looked at me. I didn’t recognize her at all, but she didn’t need to know that.
“Wow, you’ve grown so much! And now you’ve got a son of your own, how wonderful!”
The mother beamed at her boy but he kept looking at me like I was an alien. I leaned forward and pointed at the boy’s flower.
“There is actually a whole field of flowers on the other side of the hill. We used to sing to them so they would grow. Flowers always grow better when people sing to them.”
The boy’s eyes lit up when he heard that. He spun to look at his mother and she nodded her approval of the boy’s unspoken plan. They both waved me goodbye and crossed the playground toward the hill. In the moments when the wind died down, I could hear them singing.
Morning passed yet again and I grabbed a few flowers for Mel, just pinks and yellows today. As I walked my usual route from the park to the Care Facility, I felt an unexpected spring in my step. I felt very good telling that kid to sing to the flowers. I had a hundred other thoughts trying to get into my head but this feeling is going to stay front and center. I felt like myself, like an individual.
Mel greeted me the usual way when I entered her room. I gave her the new bouquet and she took her time giving love to each flower. She put the flowers down and then looked at me expectedly. She always knew when I had a story to share. I told her of the woman and her son and how good it felt to tell the boy about the flowers.
“I’m so proud of you,” Mel said after I concluded my tale.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“You are fulfilling your purpose,” she responded.
I looked at her with a puzzled expression and she chuckled quietly. Mel loved to wrinkle my brain and it seems today was no exception.
“Do you know why I called you Doc?” She surprised me with that question.
“Of course not,” I replied, “you never tell me when I ask you.”
“Out of all the Copies that came from me, I always felt you were the most like me.” Mel didn’t usually talk this much. “I knew that things were going to change forever when I volunteered all those years ago. But change doesn’t have to be bad. Change is whatever we want it to be. But we must not only focus on changes. There is a lot of good that exists and can keep existing in spite of the changes. I know you will help to heal us from these changes. That’s why I call you Doc, because you’re going to save us.”
It had been months, or maybe years, since I heard Mel say so many words at one time. I knew there was no way she would repeat herself so I hung on every word.
“You are the embodiment of the coming change,” she pointed at me, “a Copy that wants to live as an individual. Quite a change indeed.”
I didn’t know what to say. Her face felt like mine does when I see it in a mirror.
“I wonder what would happen if I didn’t recharge tonight.” I said it mostly to myself. Mel understood that and didn’t bother to answer.
We sat in silence for a while like we normally do. I listened to the sound of her breathing and noticed when it changed as she fell asleep. I wanted to stay longer tonight, I’m not sure why but I did. I saw her face settle into calm bliss and I listened to her breath get slower.
I knew what was happening but I had never seen it before. I knew this day would come but I had never considered what I would do or say or think when it happened. I just sat quietly next to her.
She was my best friend and we both knew the inevitable truth. She was always funny about it though, quick with a joke or an “old lady” routine. She didn’t fear it for a second, I guess she knew she wouldn’t have to deal with anything she left behind. I got to watch her change over the last few decades but she always remained the same in my mind. I came from her and I will never forget the time that we shared.
I stood up slowly and took a last look at her. I didn’t think it would be today, but change always comes. I walked out of the room and headed toward my bus stop. The bus was nowhere in sight so I decided to start walking instead. I walked back toward the park and it looked different bathed in the light of late afternoon.
From the top of the hill I watched the flowers and grass ripple in the wind. The golden light made it feel like I was someplace I had never been. I took a few steps and then knelt in front of some flowers. I tried to give them even a fraction of the love I’d seen Mel give to her flowers.
I rose to my feet and began to wander further into that field of flowers. I let my hands gently touch the petals and let the smells waft into my nose. I began to hum softly. My humming soon grew in volume until I began to sing. I sang until the sun fell below the horizon and I could no longer determine the different colors of the flowers.
Tomorrow will be the first day I spend without Mel, tonight will be the first night I spend alone.
Comments, Questions, and Random Thoughts